Deep Thoughts

These aren't my Deep Thoughts, but rather some of my favorites from "Jack Handy" of SNL fame.

Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead. No, wait, not me, you.

To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.

Once while walking through the mall a guy came up to me and said "Hey, hows it going?". So I grabbed his arm and twisted it up behind his head and said "Now whose asking the questions?"

I don't think I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

I think a pillow should be the peace symbol, not the dove. The pillow has more feathers than the dove, and it doesn't have a beak to peck you with.

I love to go to the schoolyard and watch the children jump and scream, but they don't know I'm using blanks.

I think my new thing will be to try to be a real happy guy. I'll just walk around being real happy until some jerk says something stupid to me.

"Of all the imaginary friends I've had, I don't think there was one that I didn't end up having to kill."

The memories of my family outings are still a source of strength to me. I remember we'd all pile into the car - I forget what kind it was - and drive and drive. I'm not sure where we'd go, but I think there were some trees there. The smell of something was strong in the air as we played whatever sport we played. I remember a bigger, older guy we called "Dad." We'd eat some stuff, or not, and then I think we went home. I guess some things never leave you.

The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.

Well, I guess that's enough of that. They do make you wonder about the writers, some of these things are way out there.